Love Conquers.

I was so surprised...this first week of deployment has been hard. (Yeah, I know. Read on, skeptical friend.)

Okay, so for those of you who are not aware of this already, my wonderful husband has been deployed.

The last photo of us together for a while.

It's only been about a week since he left, but it's been rough, nonetheless. You can think, "But he's only been gone a week. You've done worse than that," and you'd be right. I keep telling myself that, too. 

But it's different this time. There's a knowledge in the back of your mind that he's going to be gone for nearly a year. This person who you've lived with and bet your whole life on is leaving you behind to live your life as if nothing has changed. But everything has changed.

He's not going on vacation. Or to the field. He's going into a war zone. There will always be worry on my mind. No matter how much I ignore it and tell myself he'll be fine, and that he won't be in any action. It doesn't matter. It's terrifying.

I sit on the couch and watch tv, just like I've done with Russell hundreds of times. And many of those times, we completely ignored each other for hours on end. But it's different. That warmth is gone. The companionship is gone.

It's the thought that he won't be here to hold me when I cry or to clean the dishes when I come home tired from work or to listen to me vent about this or that. But these are selfish things.

Sure, he has internet, and I can Skype him hopefully most days or weeks and keep in touch that way, but it feels disconnected. The internet is unreliable, the schedules are unreliable, and the conversations are public. It's hard to connect that way. And one should never undervalue the strength that holding a hand or touching a shoulder can have in communication. 

But enough moping and self-pity. 

I really have been handling it all pretty well so far, despite the doom and gloom of this post so far. I do well, I think, with living alone. And I know how to bring myself around, how to entertain myself and keep a home. So I'm not really worried about myself.

Plus, I have something no one else has: Russell. And he, and everything we've built and will build together, is worth so much more than nine months apart. I can get through anything knowing we've got our whole life ahead of us and I will have all the cuddles and kisses and talks and (within reason) babies I want for the rest of my life.

It's all worth it in the end, I know. But I will not lie, deployment already sucks. However, I am one week closer to holding my husband in my arms again, and that's all I've gotta remember to get myself through it. Boy, do I love this man.