Deployment and Other Things

I was so surprised...I've been neglecting my blogs!

I know, I know. You guys are all going insane wondering what's happening in my life, and why I haven't posted on this blog in....Damn, have I really not posted since January? You are severely lacking an update here! (Because I know you all get your information about my life--vital to your health--exclusively from this blog. How could I let your health deteriorate like that?)

But enough of the sarcasm and weird talk. (HA! Like I'm done with that.) Do you wanna know the real reason I haven't posted much lately? 

There he is (right), looking all handsome and soldier-y.

My husband is deployed. 

What? You're not surprised by this? You follow my Facebook and are so annoyed with hearing about my deployed husband? Too bad, sucker! You kept reading! 

Now, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea here through this post--I've decided I want to be honest about deployment and what it does to you me. Just hear me out before you go assuming anything, and calling me post haste. (Does anyone say that anymore?)

So, listen, deployment is hard. Your "other half" is gone--the person you've decided to spend the rest of your life with is now just...not...spending their life with you for a while. And it sucks.

My husband is not the be-all, end-all for me. I love him, and, yes, I did move across the country and spend an entire winter shoveling a lot of fucking (pardon my French, but it's true) snow by myself to be with him. And I have sort of postponed my life plans to go where he needs to go. But I don't just stop existing when he leaves. 

I think that gets hard for some people. Their spouses leave and they become nothing. 

Though I was kind of nothing for a while, too, I suppose. I had quit a job that was slowly turning me into a cynical, exhausted, angry shell. And it was winter. In Winterfell Northern New York. There's not much you can do with that, honestly. And it was a hard time for me, for those reasons. 

And so, for that reason, I didn't really want to blog. I didn't want to share how I was feeling, because I didn't want to worry people. Sometimes you kind of are craving for people to notice you and pity you a little, and sometimes you just kind of want to suffer in silence and wait for it to be over, ya know?

I'm generally of the second variety, and so I've been pretty much keeping to myself. Don't actually worry, everyone--I have some really amazing friends up here that are going through the same thing and have helped me tremendously. Plus, I have this pretty awesome husband who makes going through a deployment worth all of it. 

Anyway, I didn't stay nothing for very long.  I was am also in this weird spot in my life where I'm questioning everything I've worked toward thus far. So there was a little existential crisis happening right in the middle of winter, while my husband was deployed, and I was out of work and bored and lonely. 

But I plugged through it. You just kind of have to do that with deployment. What option do you have? Trust me, I'm sure many of us would love to be able to just march over to Afghanistan and fly our husbands back home with us, but, oddly enough, the army doesn't let you do that. 

You  find the things that make you happy despite the separation. The way he gets his hair cut (when Skype isn't too fuzzy). The way his voice hits you right in the heart. The way he stares at you for a minute and tells you he's, "just looking at ya." The way you still can joke and laugh and gossip and forget for a few minutes that he's thousands of miles and several months away from you. The way you can find resolutions to arguments (because everyone has arguments) even when you're not face-to-face or even speaking out loud. 

Total Power Couple.

And, I think, when you remember that you're committing your life to working side-by-side through whatever, you realize that you've actually grown stronger and closer than you ever could have without it. So I'm not saying I've loved this deployment (hell no!), or that I want to go through any more, but I do love the way it's solidified our relationship and our marriage.

Now, I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes, or assuming I mean you can't have a strong marriage without a deployment, but I only speak for myself (and for my husband on this one). I mean, we joked about it before, but we really are a "Power Couple." :]

Besides all that nonsense, I also have been super busy lately with a brand new job! Everyone, I work at a winery. How cool is that? And, not only do they love me in the Tasting Room (which is pretty much exactly what you'd expect from a winery's "tasting room"), but they've brought me into Wholesale, as well--where I work with liquor stores, restaurants, and all the other places we distribute our wines. Basically, I'm a saleswoman for our wines. And I love it. I mean, how can you not love selling wine? It's pretty awesome.

AND I've been running. Who would imagine me running? No one? GOOD, because neither did I! EVER. And yet, I have to admit...I kinda sorta like it. I even ran a 5K with my wife bff! We may be slower than...well, a herd of turtles (DeWitts.....), but we've been working hard and getting some awesome results! 

So that's where I've been since you last saw me (on my blog). I'm still having awesome wine nights with my awesome friends at The W(h)ining Army Wives, though I haven't posted there in a while, either. (Busyness, I tell ya.) 

And, other than that, I'm just waiting for my soldier to come home. Then I can stop hating Skype and Facebook Chat and texting and be social again. Or, more likely, not. But I'll be more inclined to it, at least! 

So, I'm sorry, my friends, for being so distant, but life happens, and I swear, mine is looking more and more like it's back on track. Just in a different direction than I'd planned. 

Sorry, also, that this post is so long and circular, and I think I didn't even make the point I originally set out to make...Nor do I feel like I explained myself very well regarding deployment feelings, but....Bear with me for a little bit. This'll have to do for now. Maybe when he's home I'll be able to express myself better! 

Until next time, stay surprised, my friends! 

A Surprising Journey

I was so surprised...I'm going for a career change!

So, some of you have seen my new blog around--The W(h)ining Army Wives--and are probably wondering what's up with it. You're thinking, "Sure, so Brandi and her army wife friends are having wine nights, big deal." But then you're also wondering, "Why did she put so much work into make that blog look nice, and filming their meeting, and writing up a whole evaluation on the wine?" You're not wondering that? Well, go check out the blog, and then you will!

Well, my curious friend, I did all that work (and, boy, is going through two hours of wine meeting film a lot more work than you'd think!) because I actually am attempting a career in wine.

"A career in wine?" you're shouting. I just ask you to stop shouting at me. It's very rude.

But yes, over Thanksgiving with my in-laws, I expressed to them my disillusionment with the job I had, and how I was unsure that I really wanted to be a teacher anymore, and all that fun, quarter-life crisis stuff. They told me they'd figured out a new job for me: a sommelier! And I laughed, (and what is that?), and we joked that it would be funny to make a switch from teaching to being a wine expert.

And then it hit me: that really did sound like a cool job. Something I might like.

I've always liked wine, and been interested in learning more about it. And how cool would it be to be an expert in a field? Let alone in wine.

So we researched, and I discussed it with my husband and mom, and in-laws, and myself, and I thought, "Why not?" If I can't take risks in my 20s, while my husband has a stable, well-paying job, we have a roof over our heads, no children to support, and my paycheck is all going toward savings anyway, when can I? What if this is a career I would thrive in? What if I could go to work every day, enjoying what I do?

Don't get me wrong--I love children, and I love working with children. If you know me, you know I do. But the things that go into working with children--all the considerations and plans and protocols--it all detracts for the actual interaction with children. The part I like. Besides, I've got plenty of years left to return to teaching if I miss it--or at least to teach my own children (and maybe my friends' children) some things about the world, and play around.

Maybe I need a change. And maybe this is exactly what I've never known I've wanted to do.

Regardless, I'm making the change, and I'm starting small. I'm taking a chance with something different, and hoping I can make it work.

And it's invigorating. I'm very excited about it. And I hope you'll support me along the way, and watch my progress--because something cool could end up coming my way, and I want you all to be my witnesses.

If you're interested in following along, my little "wine club" is meeting weekly (weather and life permitting, of course), and will be posting here: The W(h)ining Army Wives.

I really hope you enjoy watching this journey, and learning some things about wine as I do the same.

I guess life is just full of surprises--and I'm riding this one out. Stay surprised, my friends!