We'll Make It

I was so surprised...to find that I really, really, really can't wait to be done with school.

Even though this is my pretty school...

Seriously, I find myself saying things like, "I hate school," "I hate being an ed major," "I hate Flagstaff," "I hate NAU," way too often for my own liking. I know that I will probably love being a teacher, but there's the problem: I just said probably. Really? For, like, 15 years I've wanted to be a teacher, and now, when I'm finally so close, I say I will probably like it. Ugh. Being an ed major will do that to you (or at least to me): it'll tear you down and bore you to death and make you feel way too smart and make you afraid for your life and scare you and, basically, I just wish I could skip it all and get in the classroom.

But enough of my complaining. I've been super busy these past weeks (ugh), and have had very little time to myself, which is really draining me. I'm not a people person. I just want a little alone time. To read and play The Sims and pretend that other people and life don't exist. Ahh, how wonderful that would be.

But, alas, it is not to be so. At least my mommy will be here this weekend. Maybe I just need a little recharge.

Caroline and I have been referring back to, first, when our bigs were seniors and how stressed they were and how we never saw them, so we're not too surprised that we want to kill ourselves. But also, second, we (or at least I) have been thinking a lot about what we like to call the Recession we had last year. We don't call it depression, because, really, we were probably just on the edge of depression (ha, sad truth), so it doesn't count.

I'm really afraid I'm in a recession again already. I can feel myself shutting down to everything and everyone, and I just really hope I can pull through this before I cut too many ties or screw myself over and have to stay here another semester. I may not make it out of here if I do.

Okay, so I said "enough of my complaining," and I guess I lied. Now I'll stop complaining.

This week's been fairly good to me: I got a new phone, got the new Sims 3 Generations (don't judge), read a ton of Jane Austen books (seriously, I have no idea why I'm obsessed with her right now), and have done some great work on my first book.

Did I mention it's called Wyshe? Yeah, it's a clever spelling of the word "wish." If you don't know what it's about, go read my last post, or forget I ever said anything.

Anyway, I've been editing and fixing and adding and deleting like crazy for the past couple months, and I have to say that I am really, very proud of where it's going. It's becoming so much deeper, getting so many new, better ideas, and I cannot wait until it's finished and I can show it off to everyone I know. I'm still working on finding an agent, who will, hopefully, find me a publisher for it. I really would love to see it in print and, to be honest, if I could have just one random person pick it up off the shelf at Barnes & Noble and like it, I will be quite content. And, of course, I would love for people I do know to read and love it.

Man, it feels good to just let it all out and confess my secret love of writing. And to talk about it, and express all my feelings toward the new version of Wyshe. I'm so happy with it. Maybe writing will be what keeps my head above water this year. I certainly hope so. I know it helped me last semester, so we'll see.

Anyway, I'd better read for my next classes. Long day today--getting done at 3:35--but then I'll be free until Monday! Yay! Just...have...to...survive...three more...ed...classes...!

Have a great day, everyone!

P.S. I've decided that, since I hate naming posts, I will now be pushing "Play" on my iTunes and using the first song as the title. Unless I have something clever or relevant already picked. :] So enjoy. This one comes from the song "We Made It (feat. Linkin Park)" by Busta Rhymes. Super random.