Control your emotion or it will control you.

I was so surprised...I may be a ridiculously emotional person.

Ha! The title of this one made you think I'd be lecturing, huh? Too bad! It's more random rambling!

Okay, so I already had an inkling about this from my past, because I do tend to get emotional pretty easily. But I didn't expect to be so where my characters are concerned.

I've, uh, been having some trouble writing lately (i.e. all semester), and I think it's because no one's read/finished the second installment of my little series, so I don't feel validated enough to continue with the third. I mean, if I'm going in the wrong direction, I should probably not just ramble aimlessly that way some more, right?

Anyway, I did finally get in a tiny bit of writing today, and finished up a chapter-thing (I tend to write really short chapters, kinda like James Patterson, but I feel weird calling them chapters for some reason. Like I feel weird calling them books. Feels too pretentious of me, I think). So I've been working on trying to finish that chapter for a long time, which is weird for me, since I generally have a hard time not finishing a chapter. It drives me crazy to leave things unresolved.

I'm totally modeling myself after this guy.

And, since that seems to be going nowhere, I'll get on with it. I, uh, was writing a little bit of a depressing scene for my main character to finish it out--not where I originally saw that going, by any means--and I actually ended up crying while I was typing. It's not really a sad scene--as in, I seriously doubt any readers would be crying--but Megan (that main character I was talking about) was crying, and feeling especially down, so I was crying. And this isn't the first time it's happened to me. It seems that whenever she's crying (which she actually does fairly rarely, thank goodness), I'm crying along with her.

Yeah, I always write with a rose on my desk. It lets the juices flow.

Is that weird? Do writers normally cry with their characters?

Just, you know, a little speculation on my part. Maybe a little character revealing. So if any of you out there are writing something, first of all, tell me 'cause I'd probably love to read it! Second, don't feel bad if your emotions mirror your characters'. We can be weirdly emotional together! :]

Here's a cool kid for your troubles. Because he came up in my Google search for "weirdly emotional."

Neuroticism Wins Again

I was so surprised...that I may be really neurotic.

Okay, so I'm not actually surprised by that, and if you know me at all, you're not either. But I learned something about myself today--something it seems I should've already known...But, alas, I did not.

Let's start with this: I was walking back from class today (like half an hour ago, really), listening to my iPod friend--his name's Phoenix Jr. cause my computer is Phoenix, and really, it's irrelevant.

Unlike this picture.

 Well, I was skipping through songs, trying to find one that I can walk to--do other people do that?--when I stumbled upon (or is it shuffle upon?) Clocks by Coldplay. I'm thinking, "Okay, I like this song. Acceptable." And I probably literally thought that. I tucked Phoenix Jr. in my pocket and walked along. And then, suddenly, I realized I was walking to the beat of the music. I had actually, finally, found a song that perfectly fits my walking speed--it was like Coldplay wrote the song just for me. "You know," the members of Coldplay thought to themselves, "Brandi needs something she can walk to. Let's give it to her."

So anyway, I was probably grinning along, thinking, "Wow! I need to remember this!" And then I realized, about halfway through the song, that I was actually thinking less than when I listen to songs I can't match my speed to. My mind was paying such close attention to making sure I matched each step with the beat that I didn't even notice that I was listening really hard for the beats of the song, and commenting to myself on how the cymbals were just slightly off and that it was trying to throw me off, but, well, I was still firmly walking to the beat, right? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Yeah, I'm still walking to the beat. I'm totally on. But listen to that cymbal again. Maybe it's the piano. There's something just a hair off the beat of the music. No, but I can stay on the beat. I've got this. I've been on-beat for 4 minutes now. There's just a minute left. I've got this.

Seriously. I literally was thinking those things.

I, of course, didn't really grasp what was happening until the end of the song, and I found it so funny that I knew I would need to share it with you, three people who read this. So, when the time came for my iPod to play a new song, I waited, thinking, "I wonder if it'll match my walking speed, too!" And then came What's Love Got to Do. Not appropriate walking speed. Unless you're a turtle or a gangster.

So, instead of ridiculously trying to match my footsteps to the beat, one part of me was singing along with Tina Turner, and another was, like any sane person, repeating over and over to myself this sentence: "It is actually worse for me to walk to a song that matches my speed." Or something like that...I stopped repeating it about five hours ago...But you get the picture. I discovered myself repeating and repeating so I wouldn't forget to tell someone--Caroline will surely laugh with me! And she did.

And all was right in the world. And, now that I'm finally coming back to this post, five hours later, this story is just really sad. I'm sorry I just subjected you to it. But I'm still pushing Publish Post...Now!

Ah, look. He's happy. I can be, too!

Let's not go to Camelot. It's a silly place.

I was so surprised...I was not born sometime in the (more interesting) ancient times.

For example, when showing up to meetings naked, with a drum, was acceptable.

Okay, so I may or may not have just finished watching Kingdom of Heaven--you know, that random movie about Jerusalem in the Middle Ages? I don't think I saw four commercials for it coming out...Uh, it stars Orlando Bloom? Yeah, that one.

Well, so I didn't particularly like the movie (which is sad, because I tend to love anything regarding that time period), but I did enjoy bits and pieces. For example, the knightly Orlando Bloom. Or the battle scenes. Ish. They were a little melodramatic for my tastes, but I do love me a good medieval battle.

Seriously, if I could choose a time period to live in, it would be the (stinky, dirty, repressed) times in which men rode horses into battle, carrying huge swords that probably weighed as much as I do. Or huge bows the height of a man, with a quiver full of arrows and eyes full of roguish sexiness.

And/or the ability to string and accurately fire two arrows at once. Just sayin.

But really, I seem to have a thing for archers. This isn't a recent development, nor have I only just noticed this, but I do wonder at my strange attraction sometimes. It seems that anytime I find a character who happens to be an archer, he automatically becomes my favorite. (Exception here for Lord of the Rings: Aragorn is number one, obviously, with Legolas jumping up to tie every time he gets into battle.)

Don't get me wrong, I love a man hacking away with a sword, as well, and I can't even imagine the skill and strength it must have taken to wield such a weapon, but there's just something about the man who can hit his opponents from afar with a little string and a couple twigs.

Just look past this man's ugly aiming-face and see those rippling muscles.

Sexy, sexy beasts they are. And could you fight with a sword like this man? :

Didn't think so.

Or how about this man? It can't be easy to be silver, lounge, and fire an arrow. But archers are cool like that. Even in ancient, ancient times.

Or, maybe, "especially" in ancient times.

Maybe it's because I'm a Sagittarius. You know, the one no one can pronounce? The centaur, people...Half horse, half human?

Pictured: Me in my spare time.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I wish I lived in those times. Among other reasons not as interesting as archers. Anytime between Ancient Greece and the Renaissance will do, really.

No, not the Renaissance Festival. Though I'd totally work there.

Or, maybe when I eventually get married, I'll make my husband take archery classes with me...Yeah, that's a good alternative. Until those damn time machines are up and running.

We'll Make It

I was so surprised...to find that I really, really, really can't wait to be done with school.

Even though this is my pretty school...

Seriously, I find myself saying things like, "I hate school," "I hate being an ed major," "I hate Flagstaff," "I hate NAU," way too often for my own liking. I know that I will probably love being a teacher, but there's the problem: I just said probably. Really? For, like, 15 years I've wanted to be a teacher, and now, when I'm finally so close, I say I will probably like it. Ugh. Being an ed major will do that to you (or at least to me): it'll tear you down and bore you to death and make you feel way too smart and make you afraid for your life and scare you and, basically, I just wish I could skip it all and get in the classroom.

But enough of my complaining. I've been super busy these past weeks (ugh), and have had very little time to myself, which is really draining me. I'm not a people person. I just want a little alone time. To read and play The Sims and pretend that other people and life don't exist. Ahh, how wonderful that would be.

But, alas, it is not to be so. At least my mommy will be here this weekend. Maybe I just need a little recharge.

Caroline and I have been referring back to, first, when our bigs were seniors and how stressed they were and how we never saw them, so we're not too surprised that we want to kill ourselves. But also, second, we (or at least I) have been thinking a lot about what we like to call the Recession we had last year. We don't call it depression, because, really, we were probably just on the edge of depression (ha, sad truth), so it doesn't count.

I'm really afraid I'm in a recession again already. I can feel myself shutting down to everything and everyone, and I just really hope I can pull through this before I cut too many ties or screw myself over and have to stay here another semester. I may not make it out of here if I do.

Okay, so I said "enough of my complaining," and I guess I lied. Now I'll stop complaining.

This week's been fairly good to me: I got a new phone, got the new Sims 3 Generations (don't judge), read a ton of Jane Austen books (seriously, I have no idea why I'm obsessed with her right now), and have done some great work on my first book.

Did I mention it's called Wyshe? Yeah, it's a clever spelling of the word "wish." If you don't know what it's about, go read my last post, or forget I ever said anything.

Anyway, I've been editing and fixing and adding and deleting like crazy for the past couple months, and I have to say that I am really, very proud of where it's going. It's becoming so much deeper, getting so many new, better ideas, and I cannot wait until it's finished and I can show it off to everyone I know. I'm still working on finding an agent, who will, hopefully, find me a publisher for it. I really would love to see it in print and, to be honest, if I could have just one random person pick it up off the shelf at Barnes & Noble and like it, I will be quite content. And, of course, I would love for people I do know to read and love it.

Man, it feels good to just let it all out and confess my secret love of writing. And to talk about it, and express all my feelings toward the new version of Wyshe. I'm so happy with it. Maybe writing will be what keeps my head above water this year. I certainly hope so. I know it helped me last semester, so we'll see.

Anyway, I'd better read for my next classes. Long day today--getting done at 3:35--but then I'll be free until Monday! Yay! Just...have...to...survive...three more...ed...classes...!

Have a great day, everyone!

P.S. I've decided that, since I hate naming posts, I will now be pushing "Play" on my iTunes and using the first song as the title. Unless I have something clever or relevant already picked. :] So enjoy. This one comes from the song "We Made It (feat. Linkin Park)" by Busta Rhymes. Super random.

Something Clever.

I was so surprised...this wonderful person nominated me for some sort of Versatile Blogger Award. Or something. 

Well, apparently I'm supposed to name 9 facts about me now, and, uh, I'm just gonna go ahead and clear the air about some things while I'm at it. Screw it, I'm a senior in college and soon I'll be a real adult. It's time people learned some things about me.

• I've been to Spain. (Surprise, surprise if you've read my first 12936234 posts, right?) It was the most amazing experience I have ever had in my life and someday I will be back. My Spanish has improved immensely (as has my Spanish accent), and just getting the chance to see real history (sorry, but America is really just a baby in comparison and not nearly as interesting) was something I will never forget. Possibly my favorite thing ever, if I had to choose, would be the medieval walls that still surround Ávila. SO awesome. They're seriously the defense walls from medieval times and are still intact! And (because I'm a nerd and love history) it was such an experience seeing the city from afar, surrounded by huge, stone walls. Amazing.

I'm obsessed.

•  I tend to exaggerate. Just a little. (See above.) When I'm typing out an estimate, I generally just slam my fingers into random numbers...and when I'm vocalizing an estimate, I usually include a 7 in there somewhere...My roommate Caroline has caught on to that one, and won't believe any numbers I spout that include 7s...It's like the boy who cried wolf. Except that when Caroline doesn't believe me, I won't be eaten by a wolf. Probably. 

Ouch.

• I'm a very logical person. If I can't explain something with logic, I simply cannot believe it. I will search and search for some logical reasoning for things, and if none show up, I'm forced to accept that I can't believe it. And then there's no changing my mind. But I promise I do try really hard to find reasons before giving up.

• As my little (sister, in my sorority) told me last night, I have high expectations for people. Caroline and Katie agreed, saying that it pushes people to be better, but they all three conceded that sometimes I just need to let go when someone simply can't meet my expectations. It hurts me too much, because I put so much of myself into helping them reach my expectations that I probably hurt worse than they do when they fail me. Sigh, I'm working on it. (And a huge thanks to those who do try to keep up with them. I'm sorry I have such expectations--I honestly didn't even realize it before, haha)

• I...haven't admitted this to a lot of people...soo...first, I'll note that I type the way I speak, generally. Maybe I'm a little more formal when I type, but if I put in some (...) I am literally thinking (or would speak it) with a pause. If I drag out my words (ex: sooo), that's me dragging out my words. I promise I'm not the type of person who just adds letters for no reason. 

Pictured: Not me.

• Okay, so now that thing that not a lot of people know about me...(thank goodness not a lot of people read this blog)...Okay, it's seriously not as big a deal as I make it out to be...haha but I still get nervous and embarrassed...Okay, so I like to write. I actually love writing stories. I've kind of had an obsession with storytelling since I was a kid, and luckily it wasn't squashed out of me growing up. I started typing things out in high school, writing the first 10 pages of a story and scrapping it. Then I wrote the first 20 pages and scrapped that. Each time I'd get a little farther into a story before I realized it was going nowhere, until finally, last year, I finished a whole book's worth of story. And then I wrote the sequel. So now I have two, finished (to a degree) books. Various friends have been helping me to edit and construct them both, (and I'll point out that Caroline and Bree are my biggest contributors), and I could not be happier. I'm actually currently working on getting the first published, as Bree and I edit it and fix it, so we'll see how that goes. I love writing, and I love the world (literally) I've created, and the characters, and the plot. I'm so happy with it all, and I feel much more accomplished now. It's a big thing for me.

This big guy's in it, if that intrigues you...

• I'm super passionate about education. I know, you're saying, "You want to be a teacher--I hope you're passionate about it!" And I agree wholeheartedly. But there are definitely those people who are just kind of in it because they have nowhere else to go, or they want summers off, or they like the pay (HA! Just kidding!). I will tell you right now that I am not one of those people. I think about my future classroom a lot, and I plan and I scheme, and I figured out what I really believe and what I don't. If I do say so myself, I have the framework for a really great classroom, and I am seriously so excited to put it into practice. Thank goodness little Brandi had the right idea when she made Katie and Aimee play school with her...after school...I've wanted to be a teacher all my life, and I've realized just how much I really do want it now. It's amazing.

• I'm a terrible student. Is that contradictory, or what? I love education, but I hate going to my own classes...I really can be terrible when it comes to attendance, and I feel bad about it--but not enough to change anything. I hate going to education classes, for the most part. And that's because, for the most part, I feel like I already know what they're telling me. Yes, I can learn different methods and cool tricks (and I won't deny that I have learned of some cool things I want to use), but most of the time it's just not worth it for me to hike to the ed building and sit in boring classes listening to things I already know. Woops. Once I get my own classroom, hopefully I'll want to be there all the time, because either way, I will be. (Just as a side note, I'm currently ditching my classes...just to let you know how serious I am about that...and I'm sorry if I influence you in the wrong way with this...Go to class!)

• I...don't know how to wrap this up...No, I'm kidding. But seriously. What's another fact about me that could be interesting to know? I, uh, love Tri Delta? Is that a cheap one? Well, too bad. I really, really do love my sorority. This weekend was rush, so I've been talking about it practically nonstop for four days, and the more I talk about it, the more I love it. The more songs I have to sing over and over and over again, the more I realize they're true and that, in May, I'll have to leave this all behind. I love my sisters. I love the bond there seems to be between us all. I love the way we all love Tri Delta. And most of all, I love my big, my littles, and my grandlittle. (AND very soon I will love my second grandlittle and, hopefully, a great grandlittle!) Yay, Hero Family!! (And, yes, I did name my family the Hero Family because I love Batman...) ∆∆∆

The Fam. Minus my big.

So there you have it, folks. There's your nine facts about me. Hopefully I didn't bore you to tears, and hopefully you haven't lost some respect for me with my rambling. Have a great day, everyone! Don't be too surprised! ;]

P.S. I don't have enough blogging-friends (yes, I had to make that a hyphenated word) to nominate more people, sadly. So I just re-nominate my dear friend Leah.